Making a Life that Matters
I was recently confronted by the death of a person I did not know very well. This person was a relative in my parents’ generation, but I did not know her. I don’t know what work she did. I don’t remember her ever wishing me happy birthday or saying a kind word to me. We may have exchanged some banal neutral phrases at a family get-together from time to time. Though I have struggled to do so, I can’t remember one piece if information about her ever doing anything for anyone.
This shocks me a bit.
I’m pretty sure that we all use the occasion of another person’s death to contemplate our own mortality. When I attend services for people I know who have died, it is always my practice to recall my interactions with them. It is also an occasion, strange as that is, to get to know the deceased better. Almost always, I learn something more of the person I already knew. It is very comforting to me to review that person’s role in my life and in the community and feel connected to them and to other people.
My relative’s death leaves me with a weird void. I see it as a cautionary tale. She was a grownup when I was a child and never made any effort to connect with me or my siblings. No occasion ever arose where that situation was remedied after I became an adult. I feel pretty sure that if she had ever tried or done anything of note, I would have heard about it. (She might be the one who caused the breaking of a bunch of China by bumping the ironing board upon which it had unwisely been placed, but I am not sure.)
Perhaps the best thing that this relative has given me is the gift of awareness that I don’t want anyone who knew me to feel this way when I pass on. Connecting with people and making a difference to them is the most important thing we can accomplish. It is my hope that my work as a lawyer and my work with Advantage Denton as a lawyer finding company will make many lives better and that I truly connect with all of my family members with whom I come into regular contact. I thank her for this truly valuable gift.
It is amazing the gifts people give without ever knowing. Some good and some bad. Being true to ones self is the only way to be true to others. True gifts are very valuable.
Comment by Dave Garrison — December 30, 2009 @ 1:15 am